Down the Rabbit Hole
by JimmySlims
Summary: Chun-Li and Guile's hunt for M. Bison leads them straight into Mortal Kombat. Expect some fucked up pairings (slash!) and even more fucked up humor. I meant for this to take place at the beginning of MK2 and SF2 but I couldn't make it work so these events are loosely based on those times in history. Enjoy the ride, bitches.


Chapter 1

"We're so fucked." said Chun-Li as she turned to look at Guile.

She rarely ever dropped F-bombs like that unless she was very upset and right now, she had every right to be very upset. She didn't sound angry or anything like that, just overwhelmed by all the crazy Twilight Zone-type shit that just went down. Guile was immediately filled with guilt and regret because this was all his stupid fucking idea. Maybe Chun-Li was right that he was drinking too much, sleeping too little and making poor decisions. He wished he had just trusted her and stopped this nonsense half as much as she trusted him to get them into a fuckton of trouble.

**27.5 Hours Earlier**

Chun-Li finished her last rep of the last set on the leg press at the gym in Queens, right by her apartment. It was 9:45am; time to take a quick shower, change and meet with Guile all the way in the Bronx for 11:00. He'd texted her early in the morning during her run to say he needed to talk to her about a new brand of hemorrhoid cream he had tried. This was code for their down-low Shadaloo investigation/pursuit of M. Bison. They were both officially off the case and if anyone in Interpol or the U.S.. Airforce knew they'd still been gathering intel and pursuing leads, they'd face disciplinary action and most certainly lose all the progress they had made together. If their respective agencies knew they would be returning to the World Warrior Tournament in three weeks, they'd certainly be fired.

Pulling on her jeans with a great deal of difficulty, Chun-Li looked in the mirror and thanked her lucky stars for the spandex or whatever the hell they were putting in jeans these days to make them stretch. Her rigorous training was really beginning to show in the sheer size of her legs and butt, which had always been muscular but were now bordering on scary. Good. She smiled because they should be scared. Everyone standing between her and M. Bison should be scared of these legs. She pulled her long brown hair back into two buns on either side of her head, swung her backpack over her shoulder and headed out.

Twice, she changed trains without even thinking about it and it was the quickest subway ride to Guile's crappy home-away-from-home she'd ever had. She had spent the entire ride trying to figure out what information he could possibly have. Their plan had been solid and in motion for over two years now. _What changed?_ Chun-Li emerged from the subway stop out onto the sunny street, a block away from the dive bar Guile always insisted on meeting at.

Even through the fog of her racing thoughts, she did manage to spot the construction site to her right. Goddamnit. She walked as quickly as she could, head down and tried to make herself invisible. Just as she thought she was in the clear, she heard the dreaded voice of some ignorant numb-nutted loser yell out,

"Hey Big Booty Judy, if you need help gettin' those jeans off, I got you!"

This is exactly why she'd stopped wearing yoga pants. Chun-Li took a deep breath and kept her pace steady. As much as she wanted to go punch that asshole in the mouth, she couldn't afford to get into trouble and it wasn't worth it anyway.

She vaguely heard another guy chime in with some lyrics to Sir Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back. Maybe it was Nicki Minaj's Anaconda. Whatever, she had to let it go. But if that shit-stain said "smile baby" or anything along those lines, he'd be choking on his own nuts within a second for sure. She tuned out anything else that was said as she arrived at The Rabbit Hole.

Walking in, the place was clearly not trying to be anything other than what it was: a dump. Looking at the liquor shelf, there wasn't a single real glass bottle to be found and the whole place reeked of stale beer. The bartender nodded towards Chun-Li, who responded with a wave of her hand that indicated she wasn't having anything. It wasn't hard to find Guile since he was the only patron there besides some person of unknown age or gender slumped at the corner of the bar and a fat dude in a Misfits T-Shirt. Guile was seated at a table with a beer, staring off into space near the jukebox. Never Gonna Get it by EnVogue was playing. Guile had a weird obsession with 90's R&B.

"Hey, kid! Who pissed in your dim sum?" he asked, reading Chun-Li's sour expression leftover from the catcalls.

"Ugh, not worth the breath." she replied, taking the seat across from him.

Guile looked like hell. The deep creases in his forehead seemed even deeper lately and he reeked of yesterday's beer, lingering just under the stench of the new crappy beer he was drinking. His blonde flat-top hair wasn't looking quite so flat on the top anymore and the fatigues he always wore looked stretched out and faded. After Charlie's murder, Guile had thrown himself completely into his work and taking Bison down. After his wife had left him, he'd thrown himself further into revenge and booze. After he lost custody of the kids, this vendetta and his friendship with Chun-Li were all he had left.

"You just come from the gym? Looks like you've been making some gains there." he said, trying to stall the more important conversation that would inevitably ensue.

"Yeah, I gotta be ready for the tournament. It's only three weeks away, you know." she said, trying to read Guile's mood. "You should probably get yourself prepared too."

"I'm good to go!" He said, lifting his beer up with a feigned grimace and resistance to the weight of the bottle "But about that tournament..."

Here it was.

"What?" she asked

"We're not going. Change of plans." he said, trying not to bust at the seams with excitement over whatever it was he'd brought her here about.

"WHAT?"

Had he lost his goddamn mind? Chun-Li had put in for her vacation time, bought tickets to Thailand and trained herself half to death for the World Warrior tournament. For years, Guile and herself had allowed their mutual beef with Bison (ha ha) to consume them. It was practically the basis of their friendship and really what they'd been living for since Chun-Li's dad went missing. Change of plans? This had better be good.

"We finally got some audio from the bugs we put in that Shadaloo safe house!" Guile began, talking a little faster as he went on.

"Bison met with Sagat there last night to discuss the tournament and how he doesn't want to hold it in Thailand. He owns an island in Indonesia where they're setting up for it. They're gonna run a boat out from Hong Kong to bring the competitors and Bison is going out tonight! He's gonna stay there at his resort for the next few weeks before the tournament! Now's our chance! We don't have to go through that stupid tournament afterall!" Guile was smiling now. He couldn't help it. He'd rattled off that whole plan without even breathing.

This was big news. Bison hadn't left his compound in Thailand since the last tournament when he got _so close_ to being arrested.

"Wow", said Chun-Li as she tried to make sense of everything Guile had just said. "So you want to try to get him before the tournament starts? You know he's going to be absolutely surrounded by security and bodyguards and you want to go out to some island in the middle of nowhere full of his people. Just the two of us? Forgive me if I sound like a buzzkill but that seems kinda suicidal."

"We're not going to the island. Bison can't risk using any of his aircrafts to get to the island because we're watching the airspace 24/7 so he's taking the boat out from Hong Kong. Tomorrow night. We can nab his ass right there on the docks!"

Chun-Li pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. She should be supportive of Guile and trust his instincts. He wanted this as badly as she did and he took it just as seriously. That wouldn't be easy because he sounded like an over-enthused late-night salesbitch on an infomercial right now. Crazy. Almost coked-up.

"Guile, I don't know. We would be giving up a sure thing in favor of something risky and I just don't think..."

"Come on, Chun-Li. I wouldn't even put this to you if I weren't absolutely sure that Bison is going to be there. I have the coordinates. I have plenty of friends in the commercial airlines. I can get us the best tactical gear available. Please, I want to get this done and I need you." said Guile, his dusty blue eyes looking right into Chun-Li's so that she couldn't hide her initial reaction to what he just said.

She grabbed his beer and took a long swig.

"I thought you were on the wagon and training?"

"Change of plans." she said, wiping the nasty cheap beer from her lips. "Let's do it."

After a couple of flights, a nap and some awful food, Chun-Li and Guile found themselves on the shadiest dock in the shadiest wharf in Hong Kong in the middle of the night. They each wore some dark-colored assault gear and were outfitted with a small arsenal of weapons, courtesy of Guile's locally stationed U.S. military connections. They were an hour early so they waited in a non-descript rental car Chun-Li snagged at the airport. She began to grow concerned as a very dense fog rolled in, obscuring their view of the arriving boat.

"We absolutely can't miss this. As soon as we see any sign of Bison, we've got to move."

"There's no way he can get by us. Hey, what the fuck kinda boat is that? It looks like it's headed to Neverneverland."

Sure enough, this boat was old and weird. It resembled a pirate ship, adorned with gargoyles and demonic-looking mermaids. A crowd was forming on the dock. Regular people, civilians with duffel bags were lining up to board the vessel. These must be a crew of Bison's employees.

"Are you sure this is where he's supposed to be? I mean, I can't picture Bison ever getting on a crusty old boat like that, much less owning one." said Chun-Li as she scanned the crowd with her night vision goggles.

"This is it. Sagat even mentioned that it was an antique clipper ship coming in and that they had to set sail at night to avoid calling attention to it. We've got this dickbag in our cross hairs." said Guile, lifting his goggles to aid in Chun-Li's search for a familiar face.

"That sounded really gross." said Chun-Li, regretting that latte she'd downed on the way here. There were no restrooms and now there was no time to leave for one. She'd just have to hold it until after they nabbed Bison. Not possible. "I'm sorry but I really have to pee."

"Goddamnit, I told you not to get that fucking latte! Go pop a squat behind those crates and I'll keep an eye out for old Butt Chin."

While Chun-Li was out behind some storage units, Guile lifted his goggles just in time to see an enormous figure in a hooded coat emerge from a black SUV and make its way through the crowd to the awaiting ship. Backlit by the lights from a nearby cargo ship, Guile couldn't make out a face but with double-wide shoulders like that it had to be Bison. Why didn't he have a security entourage though? If all these people were on his payroll, why didn't they acknowledge him? Something was up here but that most certainly had to be him.

"Chun-Li!" Guile tried to whisper toward where his friend had gone to pee but he couldn't project his voice enough to reach her without drawing unwanted attention. He got out of the car while trying to maneuver the night vision goggles and his phone, which he used to call Chun-Li. He lifted the goggles and tried to catch the dark figure in the crowd. This wasn't difficult since this guy was gargantuan. Towering over the small groups of people waiting to board, the figure pushed toward the front and quickly made its way onto the gangway. As it made an adjustment to haul a large duffel bag, Guile caught sight of the bottom of his face from under the shadow of the hooded jacket. The butt chin! It was him!

Guile put his goggles in his pocket and got ready to run when he heard Chun-Li's _Friends_ theme ringtone approaching along with the sound of her boots hitting the pavement.

"Sorry, I just took the longest _Austin Powers_ leak...what's up? Is he here?" she asked, jogging and pulling up her pants while juggling her phone and goggles.

Guile booked it toward the boat, motioning for Chun-Li to follow him. "Let's go! He's on the boat!"

Chun-Li put her phone and goggles away and ran to catch up with Guile. "Are you sure?"

"YES! I saw it; I saw his chin! It looked like Jennifer Lopez's ass cheeks and he already got on the boat! FUCK!

Without any further conversation, the two quickly and aggressively pushed through the crowd toward the gangway where a man with a conical hat and white hair was checking names and ushering people aboard one by one. They almost knocked over a couple of Chinese men who were just about to get on. The younger man put his hand out and effortlessly stopped Guile dead in his tracks when he hit his chest. The man was in his late 20's and was much stronger than his build would let on. He wore an old leather jacket and a totally bitchin' mullet.

"Wait your turn, Brush Head." he said calmly but firmly.

Chun-Li stopped just short of the second man, a few years older and wearing what looked like an enormous metal sombrero. That's right, _a metal fucking sombrero_.

"This is a police matter, you need to let us on. RIGHT NOW." Chun-Li said, making eye contact with the two Chinese guys and the white-haired man as she spoke to make sure they knew to get out of the way. "Where's Bison?"

The two men looked at each other, confused then looked back at Chun-Li and Guile.

"We're after the big guy with the hood! He boarded this ship, right?" Guile explained, urgently but apologetically. The white-haired man kept his head down and didn't speak but the guy with the mullet answered.

"Big ol' butt chin? Yeah, that guy cut the line too. He's on the ship." he said, pointing up the gangway and onto the creepy ship.

"Thanks!" said Guile as he raced up the gangway, followed by Chun-Li. The man with the white hair let them pass without a word.

The fog was really encroaching on the ship and they could barely see a foot in front of them. They split up and ran toward either side of the ship in pursuit of their in-cognito nemesis. More and more people boarded as Chun-Li and Guile searched the deck and the cabin for Bison. They were so engrossed in their chase that by the time they met up and realized what was going on, the ship had set sail and was already out in the fog-laden sea.

"Where the fuck could he have gone? This boat isn't that big." said Guile, leaning against the ship's side. He was winded.

"Those guys didn't even know Bison's name!" said Chun-Li as if an invisible lightbulb had popped up over her head. "His henchmen don't talk about the chin like that. These aren't his goons. Are you sure you saw what you saw?"

"Chun-Li, I've been studying that motherfucker's ugly mug for years now and I'd know it anywhere. He's tricky; he's good at laying low but I saw that face. Believe me. He's not getting off this boat for hours and neither are we!"

"Ok, ok. I believe you." said Chun-Li, not quite lying but certainly not being honest. She had doubts. Big ones. "This is just not right though. If he's here, we're bound to find him and so far, he has no idea we're here. We gotta keep it that way."

Guile looked over Chun-Li's shoulder at the white-haired man from the gangway standing right behind her. The man lifted his head to meet Guile's eyes and he got a chill. Chun-Li followed his gaze and turned around to face the man.

"Excuse me, what time does this boat arrive at the island?" she asked, trying her best to sound polite.

"I'm afraid the clocks don't work where we're going. Time is an inaccurate unit of measurement. We arrive at our destination when the barrier between our realms dissolves." said the man, matter-of-factly.

Chun-Li had heard some crazy shit from the mouths of many a paranoid crystal meth addict during her time in narcotics. She'd heard about how governments were plotting to steal the calves out of this guy's pregnant cows or about how this other woman's toaster housed the voice of God. This, though might have been the most fucked up answer to a simple question she'd ever heard. She felt something tickle her arm.

She looked down to see a large fly-type bug land gently on her. It was gray and sort of glittery. It had three legs and six wings.

"We're so fucked." said Chun-Li as she turned to look at Guile.


End file.
